4:30 AM I used to know you well. I used to lay awake to greet you each day, cherishing the stillness and the quiet that seemed to exist only in this space and time. Because at 4:30 AM nothing has gone wrong yet, it’s the calm before the storm of the new day.
And see, I used to wait out the darkness of the night, longing for the rays of sun that would come peaking through my window. I was afraid of that blackness, of the terror and the nightmares that plagued my dreams. But I haven’t been afraid of dreams for some time now, because I found that the demons that haunt my nights have followed me out into the light of day.
4:30 AM it’s been a while since I sat up and tortured my tired brain, raking over every thought that dares enter in. It’s been so long since I’ve tried to squeeze a coherent sentence out of my exhausted brain before my day has come to an end, before my day has begun.
I used to find rest in these morning hours; here I discovered peace and quiet and I found solace in the deafening silence. At 4:30 AM time doesn’t seem quite real, it doesn’t go on like it typically does throughout the day. It’s borrowed time, extra time that you only know when you recognize it, 4:30 AM is so vaguely familiar.
And I lie here awake wondering what the day may bring, wondering what wonders and nightmares await me on the other side of slumber. Here I greet you as an old friend, as I sit with you and wait for morning light.