The world we live in is broken. No matter who you are, no matter what you believe, there are very few people, I think, who would argue that we aren’t broken, that there’s not something wrong in this world. At times, we are overwhelmed by this feeling that there was supposed to be more. It was supposed to be different, or better. This world is so full of hurt and Hard.
Every once in a while, as we are walking along, we see a glimpse of how it’s supposed to be: a tiny piece of heaven on earth where, for a passing moment, we see the beauty that God intended. This world is just a shadow of the home we were made for. It’s a reflection in a distorted mirror where nothing looks quite like it is supposed to and everything is gaudy and out of shape.
We hold tight to those moments, to those glimpses. We long for more of them, we search for them. And why wouldn’t we? Why wouldn’t we grasp at the split seconds in which we are able to see perfection? They help to spur us on in the midst of the Hard that otherwise surrounds our daily walks. But they were never meant to be what we lived for.
Those fleeting seconds, those passing mirages, they are a picture of what we are promised, but they are not the life we are called to here. Here we live through the Hard. We push into a Father who has promised us peace and joy even in these ugly moments, in the moments where it doesn’t make sense.
We are begging for crumbs.
Please God, please. Just this One thing. Just that One person. Just that One dream. Give me that, and I’ll be satisfied. I’ll never ask for anything else. Let me hold onto this moment. Please, don’t take that too.
It breaks our heart when these comforts, these securities that we cling to with our entire beings are ripped apart from us. When we realize that we might not get that dream. There are areas that we get a no in spite of the fact that we are begging God for a yes.
It’s beyond painful to hear a “no” from God where we are praying for a “yes”. Living in the knowledge that He is the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE and He could easily say “yes” and yet he still says “no” is distressing. It feels as if God is giving us more Hard; more Hard in this already Hard world. It’s overwhelming to have to remind ourselves that He is there and that He is good; that His “no” is good. We have to remember that the author of all eternity is writing our stories and we are crafted purposefully and perfectly.
We are begging for crumbs.
God has promised us a feast. And sometimes, we get scraps from the feast while we walk through this life. And when we get them, it’s just so good. There are some crumbs which remind us of the feast that’s waiting for us, so God lets us keep those scraps. But other times, when we fail to see those crumbs as a reminder of the feast, He takes them away. After all, we were never meant to have just crumbs or to live for just crumbs. We were made for so much more.
It breaks us down when we feel like God is saying “no” to the good things we could have. When it seems like He is taking away things or people and you are saying “God! How is this bad?! Why this one?” We forget that God is taking away the crumb that He blessed us with, but He still has a feast prepared. What He has for us is so much bigger and better than what we cling to. It’s so much bigger and better than what we imagine.
God is the author of my life. He is writing the plot, the setting and the characters. It’s up to Him when the setting shifts. It’s up to Him where the plot will twist and turn. It’s up to Him to write people into different roles: to write them into the story and to write them out of the story. I desperately want to grab the pen. There are people I want to write back in. There are people I’d gladly write out. There are people who would play entirely different roles if the pen was in my hand. But it’s not. And every time I ask Him to make something happen my way instead of His, I’m begging for crumbs.