Sparkles and Spikes

A journey through life.

Wishing On A Star

I don’t know if I found you, or you found me in this big world.
But somehow you fit right in to my life so comfortably.

You always knew my heart, right from the very start.

I’m wishing on a star,
I’m breaking my own heart.
By holding onto hope of something I can’t hold.
I know you can’t be mine,
And I’ve run out of time.
But I sit with my guitar and wish on every star.

Where did we go so wrong? We made a mess of what had.
We broke apart, in tiny shards, you seemed to slipped away so fast.

You somehow broke through all my walls, said you would catch me when I fall.
But now I am patching up the holes, just trying to feel whole.

I’m wishing on a star,
I’m breaking my own heart.
By holding onto hope of something I can’t hold.
I know you can’t be mine,
And I’ve run out of time.
But I sit with my guitar and wish on every star.

So I’ll hold on to the memory of the way you said my name.
And I’ll hold tight to what’s left behind, even though it’s not the same.

I’m wishing on a star,
I’m breaking my own heart.
By holding onto hope of something I can’t hold.
I know you can’t be mine,
And I’ve run out of time.
But I sit with my guitar and wish on every star.

There are days when it takes all the strength inside of me to hear truth above the noise of the lies inside my head. But today I refuse to give into the temptation to sit and be sad and wish that things had worked out differently for me. I will not wonder about where I would be if I had made different choices, will not look back and try to see where it all went so wrong. I won’t wish things had turned out better or pity myself for what has happened in the past. Today I am going to live in the Light–in God’s promises which I know to be true. I will trust in His transforming grace.

I’m holding onto hope.
That God will cover all my wounds– that He will allow me to live without fear that everyone who enters my heart is destined to break it.
I’m clinging to the truth.
That I do not have to act like the girl I once was, that I don’t have to give in to the temptation to be her, because in Christ, I am a new creation.
I’m grasping at faith.
Trusting that the Lord is near when my heart feels broken and that He saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I’m resting in His peace.
Because I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I know that the Lord works all things for the good of those who love Him.

A Wild Thing

You and I lay here hand in hand,
Feeling it fall apart,
‘Cause I can’t stay here like I’d planned,
Though it may break my heart.

Well the storm we made is rolling in, and now the wind has changed,
And when it’s gone, what’s left behind will never be the same.
‘Cause our love was just like gasoline poured out on a flame,
A wild thing that could be caught but never could be tamed.

Maybe we never had a choice,
I had to shout for you to hear my voice,
And I let you come and steal my joy,
Now I can’t hear above all this quiet noise,

Well the storm we made is rolling in, and now the wind has changed,
And when it’s gone, what’s left behind will never be the same.
‘Cause our love was just like gasoline poured out on a flame,
A wild thing that could be caught but never could be tamed.

You and I were oil and fire.
Said you loved me, you’re a liar.
But if you asked me I would stay,
And watch the smoke filled sky turn gray.

Well the storm we made is rolling in, and now the wind has changed,
And when it’s gone, what’s left behind will never be the same.
‘Cause our love was just like gasoline poured out on a flame,
A wild thing that could be caught but never could be tamed.

Be my joy in these joyless moments.
My hope when it seems like all hope has faded away.
God, be my strength because I am not strong enough to stand on my own.
You are good.
I don’t know anything else anymore except that you are good and you love me.
And I will trust you even when I can’t understand.

There’s a change in the air and it hangs between us, thick and heavy.
And I’m unsure what to do, I can only cling so tightly to what you are slowly prying out of my cold, aching fingertips.
I hold on for dear life but I know that I only have so much longer before it’s ripped out of my grasp completely and I’m left here.

Completely alone.

There’s a static electricity that surrounds me, threateningly waiting.
I can feel it all around my body, pushing in from the outside, constant pressure that weighs heavily on my skin.
Restlessly I try to shake whatever it is that I cannot seem to rid myself of but when I look around me I see that I’m here.

Completely alone.

There’s this unsettling quiet that turns my stomach as the nothingness fills my ears.
I can hear the empty air around me like white-noise at a volume that will never decrease as I wait for the music to begin.
But the music never starts and instead I sit in this prison of silence as I glance to my left and my right and find that I’m here.

Completely alone.

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Head Vs. Heart

The worst sort of battle is between head and heart.
In this fight, you’re losing, before you even start.

“Be quiet heart!” your head shouts and reasons away
With both truth and logic, through details it weighs.

But hearts, they are wild and feelings run deep.
And all of heads logic won’t put heart to sleep.

“Oh head” heart sighs softly, “you don’t understand,
I didn’t expect this, it’s not what I planned.
It’s just that somehow I tripped and I fell,
My balance was off, I knew it couldn’t end well.
I’m feeling intensely, and I just can’t ignore,
The pull that I’m feeling, this magnetic force,
That carries me in and then leaves me to cope,
Oh head, I’m just drowning and losing all hope.”

“Heart!” Head answers, “be reasonable please.
You saw this all coming, you knew how it would be.
The answers were there long before this began,
You knew this would happen, even though it’s unplanned.”

And heart answers back “Head, please give me some grace,
I’m already embarrassed I fell on my face.
My ego is wounded, I don’t know how to act
I’m breaking to pieces, my edges are cracked.”

So on and on goes this battle inside,
And head and heart both are left feeling quite tried.
Both convinced they are right and the other is wrong,
It goes back and forth and the war wages on.

A tiresome battle between heart and head,
Not one will give in, nor leave something unsaid.
But one day you’ll wake up and find that it’s done,
You may never notice which one of them won.

The worst sort of battle, your enemy is you,
And though you will win, you also must lose.

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